Lawyers and Lightbulbs

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four: one to climb the ladder, one to hold the ladder, one to shake the ladder and one to sue the ladder company.

Ounces of Brain for Sale

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study and sees a sign remarking on the quality of a professional brains offered at the store.
He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.  "How much does it cost for an engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce," replies the butcher.
"How much does it cost for a programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce," replies the butcher.
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce," replies the butcher.
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
The butcher says, "Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?!?"

Sounds Dirty

Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't:

• Have you looked through her briefs?
• He is one hard judge!
• Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
• His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
• Is it a penal offense?
• Better leave the handcuffs on.
• For $200 an hour, she better be good!
• Can you get him to drop his suit?
• The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
• Think you can get me off?