Alimony

Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said: "I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month." To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mighty kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."

Crook Case

The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, "Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.

Had it All

I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.  He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."  I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"  "Oh no, nothing like that," he said.   "No, no.... I was paroled."