Entertainers Needed

A comedian, new to the profession, is looking for places to perform. He notices a sign outside of one place reading ''Entertainers wanted, see within," below which someone had written ''NO HYPNOTISTS!'' with a marker. He goes inside and inquires about the gig. "You're not a hypnotist are you?'' "No'' the comedian says, ''Why do you ask?'' ''Well, last week we had a hypnotist and he had at least twenty people up on stage. Just as he got them all under, he tripped over his microphone wire and shouted 'SHIT'. We've been cleaning it up for days!''

Best of Friends

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment, but I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."

Hernia Operation

One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis, took the balls out and set them on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put the balls back into the scrotum. He searched the operating room but could not find the balls of the patient. He told nurse to get two small onions from his lunch box as he cannot keep this poor man's testis pouch empty. After the operation, he met the patient in a garden for morning walk. Being a good doc, he asked his patient how he is feeling. The man said "Doc everything is fine! Life is good except that whenever I scratch my balls, my eyes start watering."