N.I.H. Substitution

Why is the N.I.H. (National Institute of Health) substituting rats with lawyers for lab tests?
Three reasons:
1. There are more lawers then rats.
2. When rats die many lab techies feel bad for them.
3. There are some things a rat will not do.

God Invented Lawyers

Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

Hypnotized Audience

A very good magician has hypnotised an entire audience. He has them under his complete control and they are willing do whatever he tells them to do. Unfortunately, at the vital moment, he trips over the microphone cord, lands on his ass and says, "Shit!"