Retired Professors' Vacation

Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sun set. The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?" To which the professor of psychology replied, "Yes and I think it's these pesky wicker chairs."

Entertainers Needed

A comedian, new to the profession, is looking for places to perform. He notices a sign outside of one place reading ''Entertainers wanted, see within," below which someone had written ''NO HYPNOTISTS!'' with a marker. He goes inside and inquires about the gig. "You're not a hypnotist are you?'' "No'' the comedian says, ''Why do you ask?'' ''Well, last week we had a hypnotist and he had at least twenty people up on stage. Just as he got them all under, he tripped over his microphone wire and shouted 'SHIT'. We've been cleaning it up for days!''

Best of Friends

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment, but I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."