Engineering Professors

Ten engineering professors board a plane. Once they're inside and the plane is a about to take off, the flight attendant comes out and tells everyone that the plane has been built by the students of those teachers. Immediately nine of the professors get up and run away from the plane while one of them stays sitting, calmly reading a book.
One of the students who was on the plane to gather performance data approached the professor, thanking him for trusting them.
To which he replied, "If my students really made this plane I'm 100% confident it will never take off."

Notice of a Class Action Suit

I was wondering if anyone else is having a problem with the Carbon Based Unit, Model # Homo Sapiens. The following is a list of constant problems:

• A constant whining whenever the brain disengages after debating the virtues of the automobile selection process
• Overheats when the air/gray matter ratio exceeds rational equilibrium in regard to ones own responsibility to auto maintenance
• When mouth is placed in gear, makes loud noise whilst insulting the the auto professional. (see previous item)
• Software controlling the "computer" is defective... Wild, random responses to input stimuli (i.e. "Have you checked the oil..?")
• Motor controls are sluggish (i.e. response to traffic light stimuli and expected law abiding response)
• Mouth continues to run long after brain has shut off
• Touts superior performance, but functions do not perform as advertised
• Lifetime warranty is a misnomer. Cannot get problems fixed under any policy
• Model not eligible for trade in or replacement under Lemon Law 

I have attempted to contact the manufacturer of this model regarding these issues, but I have received no response. I can only assume that this creator does not stand by the product in question. Therefore, I am directing my attorney to file a Class Action suit on behalf of myself and my family. The basis for this suit is that the manufacturer did knowingly produce a defective product. Interested parties make contact my attorney: U. B. Taken1-800-Get-Awayor write: 7734 Geton Withit Ave.Getalife, Hades 12345-678

Plenty Where I Come From

A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train. The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from." The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from." Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying...