Thanks Doc!

A patient says to his doctor, "Hey, Doc! I've been getting these migraines for a long time now! I can't think straight! I need help!" Doctor says to patient, "You know what? I used to have the same problem, and whenever I do get migraines, I go home to my wife. She cooks me my favorite meal, rubs my toes, kiss my nipples and well (smiles sheepishly), you know what happens next!"... next day... patient says, "Hey doc! Thanks for your advice. It worked!" Doctor says, "Oh really? That's good to hear!" "Oh by the way, "Patient says, "You've got a great house!"

High Tech Milking Machine

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away. So he decided to test it on himself first. He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on, and voila, everything else was automatic! He really had a good time as the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. However, when the fun was over, he found that he could not take the instrument off. He read the manual, but did not find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument - some made the equipment squeeze, shake, or suck harder or less - but still he had no success getting out of it. Panicking, he just barely reached the phone and called the supplier's customer service hotline. The farmer: "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It worked fantastic. But how can I take it off from the cow's udder?" Customer Service: "Don't worry. The machine was programmed to release automatically after collecting about 2 gallons of milk."

The Prescription

The patient went to his doctor for a checkup, and the doctor wrote out a prescription for him in his usual illegible writing. The patient put it in his pocket, but he forgot to have it filled. Every morning for two years, he showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass. Twice, it got him into the movies, once into the baseball park, and once into the symphony. He got a raise at work by showing it as a note from the boss. One day, he mislaid it. His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano, and won a scholarship to a conservatory of music.