Government Competition

Q: What's the REAL reason the government jails people for theft
A: They don't want any competition.

Leaving money for the dead

A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they?ll have something to spend over there. "They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same. The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.

Monica's Cheeks

Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence.