Satisfaction Guaranteed

A psychiatrist, who was just starting out, advertised his clinic as follows: "Satisfaction guaranteed or your mania back!"

Now Eat Your Own Plate

Taipei, Taiwan (AP) - Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal can now go a step further - eat the plate. Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers. Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail at about 7 cents each. Diners who don't want to eat the items - which taste like unsalted popcorn - can boil them for a nutritious meal for animals, he said. Chen said this can help reduce pollution caused by discarded crockery. The only disadvantage, he said, is his crockery cannot be washed and reused. 

Hard Transplant

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector, and want to find a suitable stone."