A Staged Wedding

 CNN: Undercover police, staging the wedding of "a drug king pin's daughter", let it be known on the street that dealers were "invited" (i. e. Expected to attend). The bride and groom were police, as was the band, bartender, and about half the guests. The band playing at the wedding was "S. P. O. C." (COPS, backwards), and the wedding went through the full ceremony, including the dancing afterward. The long- sought dealers were arrested after the "band" took their break. The last song the band played before taking its break? "I Fought The Law, And The Law Won"

Lawyer vs. Shark

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Answering machine

Hello, this is probably 438-9012, yes, the house of the famous statistician.  I'm probably not at home, or not wanting to answer the phone, most probably the latter, according to my latest calculations. Supposing that the universe doesn't end in the next 30 seconds, the odds of which I'm still trying to calculate, you can leave your name, phone number, and message, and I'll probably phone you back. So far the probability of that is about 0.645. Have a nice day.