Testifying

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness: The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?" The witness: "Yes, sir." The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?" The witness: "Thirty- one feet, six and one quarter inches." The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?" The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."

Wrong Nails

Dumb and Dumber were roughing in a house when Dumber sees Dumb throwing away half the nails.
"Hold it!", says Dumber. "Why are you throwing all those nails away?"
"Because.", says Dumb. "The heads are on the wrong end."
"You dummy!" replies Dumber. "Those are for the other side of the house!"

Different Kinds of Doctors

There are several different kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be differentiated by the following method: General Practitioners know nothing and do little. Surgeons know little and do everything. Internists know everything and do nothing. Pathologists know everything and can do everything, but it's usually too late.