Lawyer and Mexican

A lawyer and a Mexican live next to each other in the most cookie-cutter neighborhood you can imagine. One day, they're both mowing the front lawn. The Mexican says, "You know, my house is worth more than yours."
The lawyer is confused. He responds, "How? Our houses are identical. Did you renovate the interior?" "No." "Did you modernize the kitchen or the bathroom?" "I didn't." "Then how can your house be worth more than mine?" the lawyer cries.
"Well, I live next to a lawyer, and you live next to a Mexican."

Saving The Airlines

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere'
going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would
see record revenues.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Bush or Obama think of this?
Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Rob Ford
Toronto Mayor

Jeff the Bellboy

Three couples got married and spent their honeymoons at the same hotel, where they were all attended to by Jeff.
The first man married a nurse. Jeff showed them to their room, all the while thinking to himself, "Lucky guy! Nurses are known to be hot to trot."
The second man married a telephone operator. Jeff showed them to their room, while thinking to himself, "Wow, he's one lucky dude. Telephone operators have such sexy voices and once you pop that top button... Va-voom."
The third man married a school teacher. Jeff showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor sap. She may be pretty, but teachers are way too frigid."
At 5:30 the following morning, Jeff reported to work. He expected the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute, but was sure the other two wouldn't call until much later in the day.
The phone rang at 6 a.m. and it was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. Jeff took breakfast up to the room and when the husband opened the door, Jeff stepped back in shock. The man's pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
"Sir, what happened?" asked Jeff. "You married a nurse."
"Son, don't ever marry a nurse," the man sourly replied. "All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary'."
The phone rang again at 6:30 a.m. and this time it was the telephone operator's husband calling for breakfast. Jeff took it to the room as quickly as possible. When the man opened the door, Jeff stepped back in shock. The man's hair was neatly combed and his pajamas nicely pressed.
"What happened?" Jeff asked with surprise. "Telephone operators as supposed to be as sexy as their voices."
"Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator," the man groaned. "All I heard last night was her nasal voice saying, 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up'."
Jeff returned to his desk, sure that the teacher's husband would be calling at any moment. Finally, at 4 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast. Jeff couldn't believe it, but quickly took the breakfast to the couple's room. When the man opened the door, Jeff stepped back in shock. The man was wearing only a pair of boxers, his hair was a mess, and there were scratches all over his chest, arms and legs.
"My goodness sir, what happened to you?" Jeff asked, fearing the worst. "Did you have a fight?"
The man, grinning from ear to ear, happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry be sure it's to a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy, smooth voice saying, 'We're going to do this over, and over, and over again, until we get it right'."