Boy And Girl Squirrel

A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. "That's strange," said the fox. "Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree." "Listen, bud," replied the boy squirrel. "Did you ever try to climb a tree when you were in love?"

Penis Tax

New IRS Tax Policy, GOVERNMENT NOTICE!

       January 1, 2014

   To: All Male Taxpayers    From: IRSRE
Notice of Increase in Tax Payment Form:
The only thing the IRS has not yet taxed is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts.
Accordingly, starting January 1, 2014 your penis will be taxed according to it's size. To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this information on page 2, section 7, line 3 of your standard 1040 form.
*12-10 inches --Luxury Tax --$50.00
10-8 inches --Pole Tax --$30.008
6 inches --Privilege Tax --$15.006
4 inches --Nuisance Tax --$5.00
Please Note: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a full refund.
*Males exceeding 12 inches must file for Capital Gains. Please do not request an extension.
 
Sincerely,
Pecker Checker Internal Revenue Services

How About...

An old man and his wife sit in bed watching TV. Suddenly, the old woman turns off the TV, faces her husband and slyly opens her bathrobe. "How about some super pussy?" The old man calmly says, "I'll take the soup."