Green And Yellow

Q: What's green and yellow and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhea.

Student's Final Exam

A student is taking his final exams. He takes his seat in the exam hall, stares at the questions and then in a fit for inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt, pants and socks.
The teacher, alarmed, approached him and asked what is going on? "I am only following the instructions -- the test paper states, answer the questions in brief.''

Ancient History Explained...

Ancient History Explained... A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order; A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David.  After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time. The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture. They probably used the donkey to till the fields. The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools. The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea. The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people. A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker. When acknowledged he said, "I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we read from right to left. That way it reads, "Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick!"