Lawyers and Lightbulbs

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four: one to climb the ladder, one to hold the ladder, one to shake the ladder and one to sue the ladder company.

Half of Everything

Three guys are walking in an abandoned warehouse. They find a genie bottle. They decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says, "I will grant you each one wish, but there's a catch. Whatever you wish for, a lawyer will get 2 times more than that." The first guy says, "I want a million dollars." The genie says, "Are you sure?" He says yes. *poof* The guy has one million dollars, and a lawyer gets two million. The second guy says "I want a new car." The genie says, "A lawyer is getting two new cars then." The guy says, "Oh well. I want my car." *poof* He has a new porche. The third guy says, "I want to be beaten half to death."

Ounces of Brain for Sale

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study and sees a sign remarking on the quality of a professional brains offered at the store.
He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.  "How much does it cost for an engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce," replies the butcher.
"How much does it cost for a programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce," replies the butcher.
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce," replies the butcher.
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
The butcher says, "Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?!?"