Train Driver

One day a group of businessmen were traveling to a meeting by train. The trip was going as usual, the passengers conversed and the meals were delivered. When the train entered an open area, it started rapidly slowing down causing everyone in it to come flying across their seats. The train however didn't stop and to everyone's shock started derailing into the field. For a couple of horrifying moments everyone held their breath as the train hurtled through the field, into the woods and then back on its tracks.
Shocked and infuriated, one of the businessman rushed to the operator:
"What the fuck just happened!?" He screamed.
"Hey listen" The operator tries to explain "I was driving as usual and then there was this dude came out of nowhere in the middle of the tracks.."
"SO YOU DERAILED THE TRAIN?!" Screams the man "YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN US ALL KILLED! I'm sorry but you had to run him over!"
"WELL I TRIED DAMMIT" Answers the operator "But the fucker ran into the woods."

Tiger Woods and the Titanic

Q: What's the difference between Tiger Woods and the Titanic?
A: Only 15,000 people went down on the Titanic.

Lost in a Balloon

Two hobbyists get into their balloon for an excursion. After a while, the wind unexpectedly picks up, and the balloon goes out of control. The two balloonists, with great effort, manage to keep the balloon stable, upright, and away from power lines. But they are lost. With more effort, they get the balloon near the ground. While floating over a country road, they see a man walking below. One of the balloonists calls down to him, "We're lost! Can you tell us where we are?" The man thinks for a while, looks down, looks up, looks down again, stares into space for a minute, and then cries out, "You're in a balloon!" The wind picks up, and the balloon floats off. After a moment, one balloonist says to the other, "That man must be a manager." "Why?" "Three reasons. First, he took a long time to answer. Second, he was perfectly correct. Third, his answer was perfectly useless!"