Faulty Parachute

A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he's falling, he realizes his chute is broken. He doesn't know anything about parachutes, but as he approaches the ground, he realizes his options are limited. He takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down.
The wind is ripping past his face, he's dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, "Hey! Do you know anything about parachutes?!"
The guy flying up looks down and yells, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!"

Arabs vs. Jews

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke." (Shuttle flights do not have cabin attendants, but you probably knew that.) "No problem," said the Jew. "I'll get it for you." While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew's shoe and spit in it. The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said, "That looks good. Think I'll have one too." Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it. The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight.
When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples ... this hatred ... this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes!?!"

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