Car Wrap

Q: What happened when the man crashed his car into the tree?
A: He saw how his Mercedes bends.

Sleeping on a Train

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"

Are You From America?

During a business trip to China, I was browsing through a department store in Beijing when a staff member timidly approached me. "Excuse me," she said. "Are you American?" "Yes, I am," I answered. "What state are you from?" she asked. "Texas, " I replied proudly. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, obviously disappointed. "I was hoping to find someone to help me with my English."