Life Changes

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can't buy on EBAY anymore) and peeled the National Rifle Assoc. sticker off my front window.
I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.
I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard.
Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN Buy on EBAY) and ran it up the flag pole.
Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service, and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7.
I've NEVER felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.
Plus, I bought burkas for me to wear when I shop or travel.
Everyone moves out of the way, and security can't pat me down.  If they say I'm a male wearing a burka, I just say I'm feeling like a woman today.
Hot Damn...Safe at last

Salami Bin Coward & the Talibuttheads

Q & A's about Salami Bin Coward & the Talibuttheads:
Q: Why does Salami Bin Coward carry a Turd in his pocket?
A: It's his photo ID.
 
Q: What do Salami Bin Coward and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing - yet.
 
Q: How do you play Talibutthead bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-1...
 
Q: What is the Talibuttheads national bird?
A: Duck.
 
Q: How is Salami Bin Coward like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
 
Q: What does Salami Bin Coward and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!
 
Q: What's the difference between the Talibuttheads and a bucket of crap?
A: The bucket.
 
Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?
A: Two days.
 
Q: Why don't Salami Bin Coward's people eat turd sandwiches?
A: They hate bread.
 
Q: Why don't the Talibuttheads have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?
A: The camels can't handle it.

Instant Please

Q: Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee?
A: 'Cause they hate the French press.