Gunpoint

A terrorist was holding a dad at gunpoint:
Terrorist: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
Terrorist: "What's a 'henway'"?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
Terrorist: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"

Goodnight ISIS

I woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I noticed an ISIS Muslim with a large knife sneaking through my next door neighbor's garden toward his house. Suddenly my neighbor came from out of nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then dug a grave and put the body in it and covered it.
Astonished I got back into bed. My wife rolled over and said, "Honey, you're shaking. What happened?" "You'll never believe what I just saw!" I said. "Our next door neighbor still has our shovel that he borrowed last year!"

One Way Ticket

Q: What do you call a building full of Taliban?
A: Jail.