Top 10 New Intel Slogans For the Pentium

TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM
9.9999973251 - It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug
8.9999163362 - It's the new math
7.9999414610 - Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes
6.9999831538 - You Don't Need to Know What's Inside
5.9999835137 - Redefining the PC -- and Mathematics As Well
4.9999999021 - We Fixed It, Really
3.9998245917 - Division Considered Harmful
2.9991523619 - Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point?
1.9999103517 - We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws
0.9999999998 - The Errata Inside

Purchasing Furniture

I work as a systems administrator, and part of my job involves answering questions about computers. I generally like my job, but sometimes it gets on my nerves. When people ask me what I find so irritating, this is what I tell them: Imagine that you are a salesperson for Ikea. You get a phone call that goes like this.
Customer: I'd like to buy a kitchen table.
You: That's great, we have many styles of kitchen tables, I'm sure you can find one you like.
Customer: I need one that's 3 feet by 5 feet and has a butcher block top.
You: Yes, we have a table like that. You can pick it up today.
Customer: OK, how can I get it back to my house?
You: Well, it comes disassembled, so you can just put it on a roof rack. We can loan you a roof rack if you don't have one.
Customer: But how do I get there?
You: We're just off exit 25 of the Turnpike. Where are you coming from?
Customer: Wait, wait, you're going way too fast for me. I have a Ford in my driveway, and the keys are in my hand. What do I do next?
(And, whatever you say at this point, the response is always the same:)
Customer: All I want is a kitchen table! Why does it have to be so complicated?

Ocean Laptop

Q: What happened when your laptop fell in the ocean?
A: You now have a dell rolling in the deep.