Robot Booty Call

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I roll by again?

How to Buy a Stereo

1. Carefully calculate power requirements, based on room dimensions, etc. Multiply by a factor of 100.
2. The ideal system should have as many lights as possible, preferably blinking and flashing in time with the music.
3. The components should all have black metal finish, and generally look very cool.
4. The system should be broken up into as many components as possible. (e.g. pre-amp, pre-pre-amp, pre-menstrual-amp, post-amp, post-menopause-amp, etc.)
5. The most important part of a stereo system is the speakers, they should look very cool. Size and number of sub-speakers and varieties of components pointed at the listener is important. (e.g. tweeters, hooters, sub-woofers, super-sub-woofers, seismic noise generators, etc.)
6. The system should resemble the cockpit of an F16 or 757 aircraft; the more knobs and dials you can turn, the better.
7. The system should have full remote control capability, including your smartphone so that the stereo can be playing as you get home.
8. Should have the capability of playing different music in every room of the house.
9. The system should play every known disc format and have paid subscriptions to every music streaming service available.
10. The complete set-up should put a major recording studio or large radio station to shame. After all, you may be trying to duplicate the exciting feeling of being at a heavy metal concert in a football stadium with 70,000 screaming fans.
11. Having state-of-the-art equipment is not enough. You should be a year or two ahead of everyone else. Equipment over the warranty period is obsolete and should be disposed of promptly.
12. The most important factor - out of everyone you know who owns stereo equipment, yours should be better.

Caring for Floppy Disks

ORIGAMI: Art of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in different directions. With a little luck, you should be able to get it jammed. Now, ask yourself. How can your disk get damaged if you can't even get it out of the drive?
SMOKE: Use cigarettes or anything that could be burnt. When you are smoking, blow directly to your disk. In that way, you will be able to destroy it soon, and if you are lucky, damage the drive as well.
PIRANHAS: If you don't have any at home, you can use a stapler, a clip, or simply write down on the disk label with a hard point pencil or pen. This wonderful method of "caring" for disks also often gives you a pretty bite-like design on the remaining pieces of the disk.
MAGNETS: They are wonderful. You can find them in the telephone, in some paper weights, and stuck on the frige door. If you can't find any, you can leave the floppies on the printer or on your display for a while, making sure that they are on.
MAIL: Put a disk in an envelope and don't write any warning on it; then mail it to someone, and that's all.
MAGIC TOUCH: Touch your floppy. As much as you can. If you have marmelade or butter in your fingers, better. Your floppy will acknowledge it.
DON'T USE ANY ENVELOPE: Archive them without their envelope, piled under a lot of papers and manuals.
DON'T MAKE BACKUPS: Of course, if you don't have any security copy, you won't have to worry about how to destroy them once you have lost the original.
SUPREME STUPIDITY: It is the best way of destroying floppies. If you practice it regularly, you'll find new methods to add to this list.