Computer History of the World

In the beginning, God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.
And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.
And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.
And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.
And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but do not use Windows.
And God said - It is not good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good.
But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs? And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try? The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless--since Windows could replace it. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmer that it was good. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God asked him--What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered--I am looking for new drivers because I cannot find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to! And God said to Bill - Because of what you did, you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User, you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password. General Protection Fault

Bill Gates Hard Drive

Q: Did you hear that Bill Gates bought the world-wide rights to Viagra?
A: He's renaming it MICROHARD.

Computer Experts

Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to find out whether a computer is male or female: one group was male, and the other group was female.
The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as "HE" because:

1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better model.

The group of men reported that computers should be refered to as "SHE" because:

1. No one, but, the creator understands their logic.
2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.