Is Windows a Virus?

Is Windows a Virus?  No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses (viri?) do:
1. They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so -- okay, Windows does that.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay, Windows does that, too.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.  So, you see, Windows is *not* a virus.

Difference Between Sex and Computers

Q: What is the difference between sex and computers?
A: With computers, the software goes into the hardware. With sex, the hardware goes into the software.

Bedtime Prayer of the Future

Now I lay me down to sleep, from the nightstand buttons beep. PC all set to download a file, and send the mail in a little while. Then gather the news before the dawn, and all the scores from fans long gone. The AC is set to cut back on cool; Lights to blink, the burglars to fool. Alarm clock set on delayed shutoff; CD to play some, then cut off. Sleep-maker set on medium tension, Voice mail set on no-wake suspension. Burglar alarm on delay activate; Car-port light on, for son who's late. Mr. Coffee all set to percolate; Dishwasher to run at ten of eight. Air purifier cleans each hour tonight; Water filter to fill the tank just right. VCR to tape three good shows, Something to watch during winter snows. Motion detectors on, to check what moves; White noise machine set to seaside soothes. Camcorder is ready to film in a flash. Blender's all set, the fruit to mash. Lord, Bless our all-electric domain; Keep lightning away should it rain. Let no errant shock reset it all; Watch over the breaker box in the hall. I'm wide awake now from all this hassle; God bless our multi-megawatt castle.