Dat Ass

I named my hard drive "dat ass" so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."

Protection Needed

My wife asked me why I had bought a gun.
I said: Decepticons!
My wife laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed, I shot the toaster, it was a good time!

It's Time To Turn The Computer Off

It's time to turn your computer off and read a book when...
1. You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
2. You name your children Eudora, AOL and dotcom.
3. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
4. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap and your child in the overhead compartment.
5. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
6. You laugh at people with 14.4 baud modems.
7. You start using smileys in your snail mail.
8. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.
9. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
10. You can't call your mother. . She doesn't have a modem.
11. You check you mail. It says "no new messages". So you check it again.
12. You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are because they have neutral screennames and you never bothered to ask.
13. You move into a new house and decide to netscape before you landscape.
14. You tell the cab driver you live at http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html
15. You start tilting you head sideways to smile.
16. After reading this message, you immediately e-mail it to 10 friends.