Tech Support

Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but some of the following calls to a help desk show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Dell All-In-One desktop PC." Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded, "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."
A customer who had just received a new Ultrabook asked about the power-saving feature known as "hibernate." "Will this hibernate feature work in the spring and summer?" The caller asked.

Computer Terms

Q.180?
A. The average IQ needed to understand a P.C. state - of - the - art computer you can't afford.
Q. Obsolete? 
A. Any computer you own.
Q. Microsecond?
A. The time it takes for your State - of - the - art computer to become obsolete.
Q. Syntax Error 
A.  "Hello, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.
Q. GUI (pronounced "gooey")?
A. What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
Q. Computer Chip?
A. Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.
Q. Keyboard? 
A. The standard way to generate computer errors.
Q. Hard Drive?
A. The sales technique employed by most computer salesmen.
Q. Portable Computer?
A.  A device invented to force business men to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.
Q.  Disk  Crash?
 A.  A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Q. Power User?
A.  Anyone who can format a disk from a DOS System.
Q. Update?
 A. A quick method of trashing ALL of your current software.

Goebel's Laws

Goebel's Second Law Of Useless Difficulty: The fastest way to get something done is to determine that it isn't worth doing.
Goebel's Law Of Computer Support: Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex through a hole in a board fence. It can be done, but it is neither easy nor pleasant.
Goebel's Law Of Software Compatibility: A statement of absolute functional equivalence made in bold print followed by several pages of qualifications in fine.
Goebel's Theorem Of Software Schedules: Always multiply a software schedule by pi. This is because you think you're going in a straight line but always end up going full circle.
Goebel's Law Of Product Introductions: A future product release date does not say when a product will be introduced. All it says it that you don't have a chance of seeing it before that time.
Goebel's Observation On Utopia: If everyone believed in Peace, they would immediately begin fighting over the best way to achieve it.
Goebel's Law Of Intellectual Obscurity: What fun is it to be an expert if you make yourself easy to understand?