Texan Computer Terms

"Hard drive" - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard" - Place to hang your truck keys.
"Window" - Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy" - When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem" - How you got rid of your dandelions.
"ROM" - Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte" - First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot" - What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
"Network" - Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse" - Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
"LAN" - To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
"Cursor" - What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
"Bit" - A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
"Digital Control" - What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
"Packet" - What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

Good ole days in Texas

Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back east, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you $10 for a blow job." The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city slicker on the spot. The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for defendin' mah honor!" Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of a woman in Texas!"

Cowboy Jokes

• The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the cowboys play better on "grass."
• The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System", Yes your Honor, no your Honor.
• The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year, 12 arrests, 5 convictions.
• The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran