Andy Rooney Quotes

• Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
• I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
• I am in shape. Round's a shape!
• Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
• Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.
• The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
• Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library, the Jimmy Carter Library, the Ronald Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Bad Advice

Before the fight, Mike's trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice.

Could be Worse!

Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you guys finish at the bottom?
Captain: Well, it could have been worse.
Manager: How?
Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!