Inventing golf

Along time ago two Scottsmen are in a pub. One Scottsman says, "I'm going to invent a game." The second man asks, "What do you have to do?" The first man says, "You have to get a ball in a hole." The second man asks, "So it's like billiards?" The first man says, "No, it's going to be much farther away." The second man asks "So, it's something like bowling?" The first man says, "No, it's going to be played on grass, and it's going to twist and turn." So the second man asks, "So it's kind of like croquet?" The first man says, "NO, I'm going to put in tall grass, and water, and sand, and trees, just to piss you off!" So the second man asks, "So you do this once?" The first man replies, "NO, you do it EIGHTEEN TIMES!!"

Perfectly good eyesight

Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, "My eyesight isn't what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?" The second guy says, "Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit." So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it.  He turns to his buddy and says, "Did you see it?" "Sure!", says his buddy. "Where did it go?", the first guy asks. The second old man thinks for a minute and says, "I can't remember."

He Misses Her

Golfer: "My wife says if I don't stop playing golf she's going to leave me!"
Caddy: "I'm sure you will miss her terribly, sir!"