Golf Abduction

Beautiful female aliens are invading the earth and kidnapping sexy, good looking older men, who are great golfers.
I'm not sending this to you as a personal warning, you are not in any danger.
I just e-mailed you to say goodbye.

Golf with Mother Nature

A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea."  The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared. 
Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband, "Hey, where's your ball?" He responds by yelling, "It's over here in the pussy willows".  The wife screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"

Sucking Golf Balls

Q: What do you call a woman who can suck golf balls through a hose?
A: Darling.