Bobby Knight's Place in Heaven

Bobby Knight, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded IU flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Bobby," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Bobby felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a three-story mansion with a black and gold sidewalk, 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous Purdue flag and, in every window, a Boilermaker logo. Bobby looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was a good coach, I won 3 NCAA titles, 600+ games and I even went to the hall of fame. So why does Gene Keady get a better house than me?" God chuckled, and said "Bobby, that's not Gene Keady's house, it's mine!"

Rep the Brands

A pro basketball player walks into a bar. He eventually strikes up a conversation with a woman who is drinking all by herself.
After a couple of hours they end up going back to her place for a little alone time.
As he takes off his shirt, she notices a Nike tattoo on his chest. When she asks about it he replies, “Gotta rep the brand baby.” She doesn’t think twice about it.
Then he takes off his pants and he has an Under Armour tattoo and gives the same explanation.
But lastly, as he takes off his briefs, she sees a tattoo on his junk that says AIDS. She immediately starts to freak out.
The basketball player then replies, “Whoa, whoa calm down baby. In a minute it bout to say ADDIDAS.”

Where Else to Play

Pat Williams, general manager of the Orlando Magic, on his team's woeful record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."