Doctors Slap Babies

Q: Why do doctors slap babies when they are born?
A: To knock the penises off the smart ones.

How To Shower Like A Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Pee
6. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
7. Wash your face.
8. Wash your armpits.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
10. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
16. Partially dry off.
17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
21. Throw wet towel on the bed.
22. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

Love Men

I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags.