A Woman's Business

What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business? 1) No mind. 2) No business.

The 9 Types of Girlfriends

Ms. Nice Guy - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have".  Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat.  Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly.  Disadvantages: May wise up someday.
Old Yeller - "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"  Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell.  Advantages: Pays attention to you.  Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans.
Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite".  Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy.  Advantages: Predictable.   Disadvantages: Contagious.
The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Don't give me that look."  Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom.  Advantages: Often right.  Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career? goals?"  Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey.   Advantages: Easily soothed.  Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed.
Wild Woman out of Control - "Lez get drunk an' make love on a front lawn. Also known as: Fast girl, free wheeler, good time charleena, passed out.  Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys.  Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs.
Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at".  Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly.  Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.    Disadvantages: You will have no friends.
Woman from Mars - "I believe this dance will explain how I feel about you". Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic.  Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable.  Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.
Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are".  Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous.  Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited.  Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.

My Feminine Side

Bob, who's gay, decides to go out for a good time and ends up at a gay bar. There he meets an attractive young man named Johnny who he talks to all evening. When the night comes to an end Johnny invites him over to his place. They get in Johnny's car, a pink stretch Cadillac, and proceed to leave the parking lot. Yet Bob is quite concerned when Johnny repeatedly smashes into parked cars as they are leaving the lot. Once they reach Johnny's place, again Johnny looks around and proceeds to smash into parked cars as he's parking his. As they got out of the car Johnny asked, "So Bob, do you like my feminine side?"