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Sex Jokes - Rape Jokes
Restroom
A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about 10 minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering amd swearing very softly. The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is.
"Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and put a gun to my head."
"Jesus Christ! What happened?"
"He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!"
"Yeah, then what?"
"Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?"
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Captured
Three explores in Africa are captured by a local tribe. They're taken to the tribal chief, who tells them that they have trespassed on sacred tribal lands and says, "For your punishment, you must choose death or bongo!"
Well, the first explorer thinks to himself "I don't know what bongo is, but it can't be worse than death". So he says "I choose bongo".
So, all the tribesmen take turns raping him. Seriously, they pass him around like a crack whore. They truly bugger him senseless.
The second explorer watches this horrific gang rape but thinks, "At least it's not death." So, the tribesmen take their turns on him too. It makes prison rape look like a casual flirtation.
The third explorer thinks, "My honor as a man must remain intact" and says "I choose death!"
The chief says "Okay, then, DEATH BY BONGO!"
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Big Joe
There was an old hermit couple living on a mountain until one day the mans wife died. Everything was fine for about three months but he got lonely so he went down the mountain to the town and went into the bar. He sat down and ordered a beer and asked the bartender, "Hey do 'ya have any women?" The bartender said, "No but we have big Joe." The man said, "I ain't like that" and stormed off back to the mountain. Three more months go by and the man decides to try asking again. He comes into the bar and says, "Hey do you have any women yet?" The bartender said, "No, just big Joe," so the man said, "I ain't like that" and again stormed out. After a year or so the old man decided to try once more so he goes down the mountain, into the bar and asks if they have any women. The bartender gave the usual reply, "Just big Joe." The old hermit said, "No I ain't like that," but stayed and had a few drinks. He asked the bartender, "If I were to do this thing with big Joe who all would know?" The bartender said, "Well me and you and big Joe of course and those two large men over there." The old hermit was taken back and said, "Why those two?" The bartender replied, "Well, somebody has to hold down big Joe, he ain't like that either."
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