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Memories
An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old man sits down next to him and says, "Hey buddy, what's the problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"You don't understand... I forgot where I live!"
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Instant Replay
While having sex he suddenly stops and completely freezes.
"Whats wrong honey?" she asks.
He replies, "I've seen them do this in porn, I think it's called buffering."
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Origin of Lawyers
An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal sex?". "Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from!"
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