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Sex Jokes - Masturbation Jokes
Clever Teacher
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever." A smart ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
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The Staff of Life
Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.
Along came Priest Joe, who thought to himself "This is a good opportunity to quote from the bible to Little Johnny."
He walked up to Little Johnny and said "Little Johnny, I see that you have the Staff of Life in your hand. What do you have in the other?"
Little Johnny replied, "A loaf of bread Father."
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Using the Outhouse
Because his son wasn't the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. "Now you lissen good, Dan'l, 'cuz here's whatcha gotta do. One: Take out your penie-pipe. Two: Pull back the foreskin. Three: Pee. Four: Push back your foreskin. Five: Put your equipment back."
The boy said he understood, but the next day while he was working at his still, Joe's wife came running over. "Oh, Joe, Joe, come quick! Dan'l went ta piss an' won't come out of the outhouse!"
"Hell, whut's he doin' in there?" Joe said.
"I dunno. He jess keeps sayin' 'Two-four, two-four, two-four......'"
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