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Sex Jokes - Masturbation Jokes
Tell Me!
A husband and wife were fighting about their sex life.
"You never even tell me when you're having an orgasm!" he yelled.
"How can I?" she shot back. "You're never here!"
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Covid 19 Reduction
A middle manager has a zoom call with his boss Monday morning. He's told that the Covid 19 quarantine is hurting business and he has to furlough one of his employees. He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to figure out who to let go. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill standing six feet apart having a discussion. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to be one of them." He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does. Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He's in a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and Jill, who are getting ready to leave. Jill comes over to say goodbye. "Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good - do you have the virus?" He looks at her and says "No, but I'm having a tough time here. I can't decide if I should lay you or Jack off." And she looks at him and says "Well, I have to catch a bus, so I suggest you jack off."
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Don't Erase This
One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, erased it and then proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word. Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"
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