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Sex Jokes
Alien Abduction
Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks. Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and I was abducted by an alien." Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?" "All I remember is being anally probed," Ted says.
Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that!" Steve says. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Karl."
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No Smoking Here
A guy enters a drugstore and lights up a cigar. The owner, a bit outraged, says, "Sir, please refrain from smoking here, it is a public place." A bit bewildered, the guy answers, "But it is only yesterday I bought those cigars here." The owner quietly replies, "Irrelevant, sir, we also sell condoms here!"
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Old Friends
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!" "Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you've been calling me fat?!?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I've also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
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