The Homework Schedule

Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.

• 15 minutes looking for assignment.
• 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
• 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
• 8 minutes in the bathroom.
• 10 minutes getting a snack.
• 7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
• 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
• 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.

Geometry Student at the Beach

Q: What was the geometry student looking for at the beach?
A: A tangent.

Great School Humor

• "I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." -- Groucho Marx 1890-1977
• This reminds me of the student who began his Middle Ages story with: "He was a dark and stormy knight...."
• In a survey taken several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class. Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.
• Q: What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A: The teacher says "Get that gum out of your mouth", where as the train says "Chew, Chew. " 
• "The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize all those people."