Top 10 Advice from Kids

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer.
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
4. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
5. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
6. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
7. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
8. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
9. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
10. Never try to baptize a cat.

Bullies

A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood. His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay. The father says, "Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies, "Yeah, but he's so cute!"

Adult Speak

The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.
First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."
Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."
Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was the name of the book?" Third Pupil, with a big grin: "Winnie The Shit!"