Thankful He's Drunk

The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.  A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk"  The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"  "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."  Obviously relieved, the wino said, "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."

Officer Termination

An officer was fired for smoking weed and masturbating on the job.
No exact details were given to the public, but word has it that he was a high wanking officer.

Take Your Time

A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. "I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?" "I should let you know first that I am a policeman." "That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"