Typical Jewish Mother

My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty... They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.

Jewish Student at Catholic School

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send him to a private Catholic school. While there the boy came home from school and studied every day. At the end of the marking period the boy got straight A's. So his parents ask him, "What motivated you to do so well in school?" He replied, "When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew they weren't fooling around!"

Jewish Fly

A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink.  He notices that at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever seen. He is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have her.  He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any Spanish fly in the back.  The bartender says he will check and comes back a couple of minutes later with a small packet of white powder.  He says to the man,"this isn't Spanish-fly, we are all out of that, but this is just as good.  This is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to get her over here within twenty minutes after she takes it!"  So the man forks over his $10 and asks the bartender to put the Jewish-fly into a champagne cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with his compliments.
The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and looks at our hero rather disinterestedly.  But about twenty minutes later she slinks off her bar stool,  she saunters across the room toward our hero in a most seductive manner, oozing sensuality (our hero is terrifically excited) she reaches him and puts one lithe arm around his shoulders and leans in close to his ear (he can feel her breath on his neck) and she whispers "Hey big boy, want to go shopping?"