Pizza and a Jew

Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A: The pizza doesn't scream when it's put into an oven.

Let's Talk Business

Isaac and Hymie were two tired Brooklyn businessmen who were ordered to take a Caribbean cruise by their doctors. The second night out on the way to Martinique they were leaning against the rail, looking at the big bright tropical moon on the sea, really starting to unwind. Suddenly the rail broke and both Jews fell screaming into the ocean. They came up gasping and sputtering and saw the ship sailing away from them into the darkness. As Isaac had fallen overboard he had managed to grab a life preserver, and now he clung to it, desperately treading water. "Hymie!" he called out, "Hymie, can you float alone?" "Oy vay!" called out Hymie from the dark waters. "Vat a time to talk business!"

Forty Years In The Wild

Admiring the Christmas trees displayed in his neighbor's windows, a child asks his father, "Daddy, can we have a Hanukkah Tree?" "What? No, of course not." says his father. "Why not?" asks the child again. Bewildered, his father replies, "Because the last time we had dealings with a lighted bush we spent 40 years in the wilderness."