Doctor In The House?

A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!" Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a good, Jewish girl?"

Antisemite Goes to a Bar

An antisemite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn't like it. "Bartender!" he says, nodding at the Jew, "A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!" Everyone happily receives a glass of premium scotch. The antisemite looks over at the Jew with a smug grin. The Jew smiles back. The antisemite loses his satisfied expression. "Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, plus an appetizer!" He looks directly at the Jew and adds, "Everyone except the Jew." The Jewish man looks at the antisemite, and smiles again. Furious, the antisemite says, "Is that Jew just stupid or pretending to be?" "Oh no, sir, he's the owner."

 

Jewish Dog Does Tricks

A man walks into a shul with a dog. The shammas comes up to him and says, "Pardon me, this is a House of Worship, you can't bring your dog in here." "What do you mean," says the man, "this is a Jewish dog. Look." And the shammas looks carefully and sees that in the same way that a St. Bernard carries a brandy barrel round its neck this dog has a tallis bag round its neck. "Rover," says the man, "daven!". "Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a kipa and puts it on his head. "Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a tallis and puts it round his neck. "Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a siddur and starts to daven. "That's fantastic," says the shammas, "absolutely amazing, incredible! You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him in the movies, you could make a million dollars off of him!!" "You speak to him," says the man, "He wants to be a doctor."