Taking Jesus for a Ride

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. Pastor Mike was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures. Immediately, Pastor Mike turned towards the church to call the police. But as he was about to do so, he saw little Jimmy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. Pastor Mike walked up to Jimmy and said, "Well, Jimmy, where did you get the little infant?" Jimmy replied, "I got him from the church." "And why did you take him?" With a sheepish smile, Jimmy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to little Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it."

24 Hours to Live.

After dozens of very expensive tests and weeks of hospitalization, the rich old man was told he had only 24 hours to live. He immediately called his doctor and his lawyer to his room. He asked the doctor to stand by one side of his bed and his lawyer to stand by the other. After standing for some time, the doctor asked  "What do you want me to do?" "Nothing.  Just stand there." A while later, the lawyer asked  "What do you want me to do?" "Nothing. Just stand there." As the hours wore on, the doctor and the lawyer watched the man weaken. When his time had almost arrived, the doctor and the lawyer again asked "Why are we standing here?" "Well," said the old man, "Christ died between two thieves, so I thought I'd do the same!

Have You Been Drinking?

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" And the minister says, "Just water." The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?" And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"