Better Boy Prayer

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

God Will Provide

Mr. Schwatrz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol. He says to Sol (who is very religious), "So nu, tell me Sol, my boy, what do you do?" "I study the Torah," he replies. "But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are going to feed and house her?" "No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide." "But you will have children, how will you educate them?" asks Mr. Schwartz. "No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide." Mr. Shwartz  goes home and Mrs. Shwartz, his wife, anxiously asks what Sol is like. "Well," says Mr. Shwartz, "he's a lovely boy, I only just met him and he already thinks I'm God."

The Lord's Prayer Redefined

"Our father, who does art in heaven, Howard is his name...."