Pope Candidates

Since Pope John Paul is getting up in age the Vatican has started an early campaign to ''recruit'' a successor. They have interviewed many applicants and after many months of interviewing they have narrowed the search to TWO final candidates: Bishop McLaughlin from Dublin Ireland and Bishop Sicola from New York. They are both very good candidates. The Vatican selection committee finally settled on Bishop Sicola. Though after much debate they changed their minds and said that Bishop Sicola would NOT be a good choice because it wouldn't seem proper to address the new pontiff as ''pope-si-cola.''

Father I Have Sinned

One day 3 men went to a shrine to ask the Father for forgiveness. The first man went to the Father and said, "Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The first man: "I have lied!" Father: "Drink the Holy water and you will be saved." And so the man drank the water and was "saved". Then the second man went up to the Father and said: "Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The second man: "I have stolen from the jeweler's!" Father: "Drink the Holy water and you will be saved." And so the man drank the holy water and was "saved". The third man went up to the Father and said: "Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The third man: " I peed in the Holy water!"

The Preacher And The Donkey

A preacher who wanted to raise money for his church was told there was a fortune in horse racing, so he decided to buy a horse and enter it in a race. However, at the local auction the going price for horses was so steep that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured, however, that since he had it he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, in the first race his donkey came in second. The next day the racing sheets carried this headline:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
The preacher was so pleased that he entered the donkey in another race. This time it won and the paper said:
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The new headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
This was too much for the bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the animal. The preacher gave it to a nun in a nearby convent. The headline the next day said:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He told the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who would take it off her hands for $10.00. The paper said:
NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS
...They buried the bishop the next day.