Eye Doctor, Heart Surgeon, HMO to Heaven

An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive die and are in heaven. God asks the eye doctor why he should be let into heaven, and the doctor explains to God that he helped people save or regain their sight. God says, ''Welcome to heaven, my son.'' God then asks the heart surgeon what he had done in life that should allow him into heaven. ''I saved people from death from heart attacks and heart disease,'' the doctor replies. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' God says. God then turns to the HMO executive. God asked him what he was, and the man replied that he worked for an HMO. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' says God, ''but you have to leave in two days.''

Baptized Wallet

After coming out of the water, a new member exclaimed, "Good grief, preacher, I forgot to remove my wallet from these trousers. It's dripping wet." "Hallelujah," exulted the preacher, "We could stand more baptized wallets."

Pope and Michael Jackson

The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson.  If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest!