Bats in Church

Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner.
One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything! Noise, spray, cats, nothing seems to scare them away."
Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away."
The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!"

An Improvement on Adam

Q: What did God say after creating Adam?
A: I must be able to do better than that.

Writing a Sermon

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me," the father answered. The boy replied, "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"