Helpful Wedding Hints

Avoid social blunders with these helpful wedding hints:

• Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
• Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom.
• When dancing, never remove undergarments; no matter how hot it is.
• Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you cut.
• A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost-effective, but also a proven fly deterrent.
• For the groom, at least rent a tux.
• A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a nice appearance.
• Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Newlywed Honeymoon Truths

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the hotel room. When they start to have sex, the wife says that she has something to confess. The husband says, "I will love you no matter what it is, tell me." So the wife tells him that she is actually extremely flat chested. The husband says, "I can deal with that." He takes off her shirt and shouts, "Boy! you are small, but I love you anyway." The husband says, "I have something to confess also." She says, "No matter what I will still love you." He says, "Okay. I am built like a baby down there." She says, "I can deal with that." So he pulls down his pants and his wife passes out! He fans her and she finally gets up. She says, "I thought you said you were built like a baby?"
He says, "Yeah.... 7lbs, 21inches."

The Ring

A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At her wedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. None of the other women in the office even noticed. Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said "Boy !!! It's so warm in here today, I think I'll take off my ring."