Firm This Up

One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."

Incompatibility Theory

Two wives were airing their troubles.  "I'd like to get a divorce," said the first.  "My husband and I just don't get along.  "Why don't you sue him for incompatibility?", asked the second.  "I would if I could catch him at it! "replied the first.

Deadly Golf Game

One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they frequently did together. They arrived at the 12th hole where the husband promptly hit a tremendous slice that ended up behind an old barn. "I guess I'll just have to play it safe and chip it onto the fairway," said the man. "No wait," said his wife. "You can hit the ball through the barn." The man decided to give it a try. But he sliced the ball, which ricocheted off the barn and struck his wife in the head, killing her instantly. The man was distraught and wallowed in his misery for many weeks, depriving himself of golf the whole time. Eventually he realized that he must face his demons and headed out to the very same golf course to play. Once again he found himself at the 12th hole and once again he hit a slice right behind the very same barn. As he was preparing to hit out safely to the fairway one of the other players in his foursome asked if he wanted to try and hit it through the barn. "Oh no," replied the man, horrified. "I tried that last time." "What happened?" "I shot an 8!"