Goodwill

Wife: I have a bag full of clothes I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? It's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use the clothes
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits in your clothes is not starving.

Whistle, Murphy!

Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They sat down on a bench to rest. About then they overheard voices coming from a secluded spot. Suddenly, Mrs. Murphy realized that a young man was about to propose. Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment, she nudged her husband and whispered, "Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them." Murphy said, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me."

Consoling a Friend

A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?" The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."