The Vows

When Ken a married man for 50 years died, his wife Edie was devastated. A couple of months later, Edie also died. Once in heaven, Edie anxiously looked for Ken. Suddenly, behind a cloud, she could clearly see him with another woman. She ran towards him, calling his name: “Ken. Darling… Ken” Ken said: “Hold your horses woman, and don’t ‘darling’ me. The deal was very clear… “Until death do us part”.

Heaven Help Us

Three men die and go to heaven. When they get to the pearly gates, St. Peter asks them each one question: "How many times have you cheated on your wife?" The first one answers "Never!" St. Peter checks the books, discovers the man is correct and gives him a Rolls-Royce to drive during his stay in heaven. The second man answers "Oh, about 25-30 times." He is given a Ford Pinto and sent on his way. The third man answers "Maybe 400-500 times" and is assigned a bicycle. A few months later, the three meet up and the Pinto driver, and the bicycle rider notice the Rolls-Royce man has a long drawn-out sad look on his face. Puzzled, the other two query him as to "why the sad face?". Mr. Rolls just looked at them and said, "I just saw my wife, she was on a skateboard!"

How Is A Woman Similar to a...

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.